Sound Bites

Ode to My Mommy Peeps

2011-08-02T22:42:00.001-07:00

If there's one thing you need as a new Mom, it's other Moms to commiserate and compare war stories with. Luckily, I work with three fabulous ladies who fit that bill. We have all had babies within one year of each other. Having the three of them to rely on to get through this whole becoming a Mommy thing while working full-time and juggling husbands and households has made all the difference in the world. Together we've been through morning sickness, pregnancy growing pains, labor, birth, breastfeeding, early AM feedings, etc, etc, not to mention the demands of full patient loads at our hospital. We've been puked on, peed on, come to work with snot on our shoulders and breast milk on our pants, cried in private and together, all while managing our self-inflicted guilt and missing our cute little munchkins we don't get to be with during the day. In short, let me just say--I could not survive this without them. Allow me to introduce the group.

This is Erin S. She's our resident Mommy-expert, as her darling daughter is the oldest of the group. (She also loves having her picture taken.) She's my go-to gal for questions like, "did your daughter sleep with her butt in the air too?" or "have you ever seen poop that color?" or "she hit her head kinda hard but she's acting normal so she's probably ok, right?" Not to mention the endless "how old was your daughter when she did ______?" questions. I've learned that I can save myself a lot of aggravation if before trying something new or different in my parenting duties I check with either my sister or Erin. Chances are they've done it first and can tell me what I'm about to do wrong. Erin is a gem and always, always has time for her friends--or anyone that needs something for that matter. She's a mommy pro and we're so lucky to have her with us forging the way ahead.

I was the next to roll through labor and delivery at our hospital and take home our Li'l Miss. Since Erin left her own office and joined our little cubicle group later, I was the first to perfect the use of the "cubicle cover." I swear we could market this thing. And what is it for? You guessed it--for pumping while sitting right in the middle of our busy nutrition office. One bed sheet, a little velcro and voila!--your own personal pumping station. We're pretty sure no one minds the soft "ree urr, ree urr, ree urr" noise throughout the day. We just had to make sure everyone in the office knew not to look over the top to seek out the source of the noise. Nursing and pumping day in and day out certainly has it's ups and downs, so it has been helpful to have so much support from each other in this regard--not to mention the smarty pants who came up with the cubicle cover idea in the first place--I think it was Kristin.

Kristin was the next to jump on our mommy bandwagon. She was the first to delve into boy territory with her cute little guy. That's her on the right, showing off her blue variety cubicle cover. (Oh, and they're not just for pumping these cubicle covers. They're mighty handy for a quick clothes change or a quick pout and cry at those times when it gets to you that work is tough and being with your kid on their worst day is probably more fun. ) Kristin's cutie is right behind Lil in the learning to eat realm, so we trade lots of stories about applesauce, bananas, and poop. (Sorry, we're Moms and dietitians so naturally you're going to hear about poop.) We also trade lots of "you do that too, ok good"moments. Kristin is so sweet and funny and always appropriately pleased at all the pictures I make her look at of Lil. Again, so lucky to have her around.

And finally we have Erin T., the last to round out the group and even things up with her cute boy. I think Kristin was a little relieved to have another boy in the group. There's just some things Mom's of girls don't know. Erin's on the left peeking over her fall-themed cubicle cover. Erin makes us happy that she's so happy to be a Mom. I was relieved the first time she came to me to show me the huge breast milk spill on her pants from pumping. I was glad I wasn't the only one who'd done it. She also makes me feel smart when she asks me baby questions, even though I pretty much have no idea what I'm doing. Erin keeps us laughing with all her impersonations of the sounds her little guy makes and it's so much fun to watch her make some of the same discoveries we made when our babies went through the same stages.

I truly love and appreciate these fine ladies and the huge support they are for me professionally and personally. I'm truly lucky to have them as friends. But, alas, some things must come to an end. We will sadly be seeing much less of Erin T as she is departing for part-time work at a sister hospital so she can spend more time at home. We are happy for her family, but sure are bummed out for our sakes. We will now be swapping stories over email or phone more often then over the top of cubicles. Our morning and afternoon pow-wows will just not be the same without Erin there, so we'll just have to find a differet venue I suppose. But let me just say to all of you, thank you. Thank you for your friendship, your supportive shoulders and for being the best cheering section and advice givers a Mom could ask for. I may be a mess, but I'd be even more of a mess without you!

5 guys, 2 bros, 1 lady and a baby

2011-08-02T21:17:00.000-07:00

This past week we had a special visitor. My brother--the pilot (little family joke there) had an overnight layover in Dallas, so we got to head over to hang out with him one evening. We partook of a few 5 Guys burgers and fries (yum!!), may or may not have ambled over to the ice shop down the block, and shot the breeze for a few hours. It was darn hot and the streets smelled like cooked garbage, but good times were had by all. We're glad you came by Matthew, it was so fun to see you!

I'm pretty sure we made it home with Lillian's cute little skirt, she just didn't happen to be wearing it by the end of the night.

Yep that's me, the lamest blogger ever

2011-07-25T21:35:00.001-07:00

Once upon a time I went on a vacation and didn't blog about it--like two months ago! Once again I can assure you that I write excellent blog postings in my head in the morning when I'm getting ready for work. Somehow they just never make it to the screen. And may I also say that I love and appreciate so much all my fellow blogger peeps, and yes I do blog-stalk your blogs without commenting because I'm too lazy to actually log in. Pathetic. Perhaps a shorter username is in order. Anyhoo, thanks for anyone who actually checks this darn thing and anyone who chooses to comment, even when I fail to reciprocate. Really, I'm just intimated by all of you and your wit and on-top-of-it-ness. I am somewhat underwhelming.

But--now for the update. Warning, this blog is semi-boring, but I feel the need to at least give a highlights update of sorts before moving on to more scintillating blog subjects.

Yes, all the way back in May, Lil and I took a trip up to Utah to see the family. It was oh so lovely. True to form, I took hardly any pictures to document the trip. We stayed with Jess and she was a wonderful hostess. She kept us fed and comfortable. Even with all the chaos those cute boys can create, I never fail to feel safe, comfortable, and at peace in her home and in her company. Oh how lucky I am to have such a sister. I shudder to think what life would be like without her, but I digress. Her boys of course couldn't get enough of Lil. She was the perfect toy--could keep them entertained for hours. I think she was quite fascinated with all the activity going on around her. It's a bit quieter at our house.

One highlight of the trip was taking Lil for her first swim. They have an awesome community pool right near their house that we all went to one evening. Of course, I don't have any pictures of Lil and I together, but with four busy boys and a baby to keep track of in the water, the three adults in attendance did not have enough hands to spare an extra set for much picture taking. Lil squealed with delight the whole time.

Jess and I also got to spend some time with by brothers. We had dinner a couple of times and had a big family dinner at Dad's one evening as well. I cherish the time we get to have all four of us together as, unfortunately, it doesn't happen all that often. We always have so much fun together. This was Jason and Matthew's first opportunity to meet Lil too.

(No picture, sheesh!)

We met up with our buddies Johnny and Randi and had lunch one rainy afternoon.

One night I also got to go to dinner with several old friends from high school, including my best bud Alicia. Here's me with Alicia and her cute baby bump. It turned out to be lucky timing because Alicia was in her last week in the U.S. before she and her husband left to move to Australia. It was fun to see everyone in their grownup lives and to hear all the old gossip from the Kaysville scene.

The week of course went by too fast and before we knew it we were back in the swing of things in Dallas.

As for the rest of the update, um, well I work. A lot. And Ian, he works too. A lot. We are never together enough, in fact we mostly see each other in passing, and we definitely don't get enough time with Lil. She is a true joy and I miss her every day I have to be away from her.

Oh the cuteness!
Our best news in recent weeks is that Lil is finally in the daycare at SMU. BIG YAY! She is now just a hop, skip and a jump away from Ian all day and the daycare is so good, it's almost as good as having a nanny. Big sigh of relief there for the next two years or so.

And last but not least Lil is starting to walk this week. Aaagh, we have a toddler on our hands! We've had a lot of laughs watching her try to keep her balance, and she laughs right along with us. Sigh, like I said, just not enough time with my favorite kid in the whole world.

Well enough of updates. Perhaps there will be something more interesting soon.

Happy 4th of July, Dudes

2011-07-04T21:05:00.000-07:00

This is the sort of stuff that goes on when Mom has to go to work and Dad is in charge. Rockin the Red, White and Blue. Party on ya'll.

You'll just have to take our word for it

2011-05-02T22:16:00.000-07:00

Yes, we did have a new dress for Lil this easter. But you'll just have to believe me that she looked really cute. There's just no sittin' still for this kid. I give you--action easter shots.

(Insert quippy title here)

2011-04-10T19:12:00.001-07:00

Wow, I am so very tired. So tired, in fact, that I'm just going to do the Reader's Digest version. No, scratch that, just headlines and pictures.

Husband hurts back. A week of no improvement but economic research continues.

(sorry, no picture)

Wife tired. Work blah--misses baby.

(definitely no picture)

7-month old eats, crawls, and stands unassisted. And spits up. And poops a lot. And is really busy. Oh, and is the cutest thing ever.

Irish babe

First crawl at 6-months. Yikes! She lives now in constant mortal peril.

Hi

Don't worry, Mom. I got this.

You were done, right?

My Angel

2011-03-26T13:08:00.001-07:00

I was looking back at some old posts and read the one about how I was waiting for the Lil' Pill to become my little angel. Well--the angel has arrived. Complete with wings.

"I will never do that when I have kids"

2011-03-19T20:21:00.000-07:00

Tonight I was one of those people. I went to do my grocery shopping, unshowered and unmakuped with my baby in tow. She was in a mismatched outfit, with a crusty nose, spit-up on her shirt and carrots in her eyebrows. At least she was wearing socks. And pants.

At the store I was carrying her around in my baby carrier so she could look around at what's going on and babble at passers-by. And you know, she's starting to get kind of heavy. While I was going around a corner, I noticed some pretzels that I liked better than the bag I already had in my cart. And do you know what I did? I traded them, right then and there and put the other bag where it doesn't belong. I never do that! I hate being responsible for putting things where they don't belong. So sorry shelf-stocker people, the baby was heavy and it was getting very close to bed time.

I will add that the trip to the store actually ended very pleasantly. I never accept help from the baggers to take stuff to my car. I always feel so awkward and I have no talent for small talk. But while I was muscling stuff into my car, baby still on chest, some boys walked by and offered to put the heavy stuff in the car for me. How nice! I love nice people. And on the ride home Beethoven's 9th was on the radio. That put me in such a good mood that the impatient Dallas drivers only made me a little bit annoyed.

And now I'm home, the baby is carrot free and sleeping and my fridge is full. Happy day!

(Doesn't she look happy to be home? Just promise me you won't look too long or closely at this picture.)

Legacy

2011-03-15T21:04:00.000-07:00

I miss my Mom. Pretty much every day. It's usually something a little different every day that I miss her for. Like yesterday for instance--it was one of those days when I feel like I'm lousy at pretty much everything and most people I know are really just pretending to actually like me (why do we tell ourselves such things anyway?). I really could have used a phone call to Mom so she could remind me how wonderful she thinks I am. Self-deprecations aside, however, I have been thinking a lot about Mom and the legacy she left us, her children. I told Mom before she passed away (perhaps a little selfishly) that I was terrified at the thought of raising children without her around. But though she's gone, she did leave us with a lifetime of lessons I can share with my own children.

One thing I have of hers that helps me keep her close and reminds me of the person she was is her silver ring.

Many of you may recognize it. She got it in Denmark when my oldest brother was just a baby. I never knew her to be without this ring. When I was younger I used to like to study Mom's hands. I remember sitting in church and I would look at her hands and rub my finger on the smooth surface of the silver. Her hands represented to me much of what she was. They were soft, gentle, and calming, and yet there was plain evidence on them that they worked hard. A callus here and there, or a little left over stain from working in the yard the day before. I love to look at the ring and think of what it's accomplished on those hands. The bottom of it is worn very smooth, and there are little scratches all over it. Each scratch gained individually over a lifetime of wearing it everywhere. Even the sound of the ring hitting a counter triggers a memory of Mom for me. Sometimes now, especially when I'm doing something for Lil, I see it through the corner of my eye and I like to think of Mom's hands doing something similar for me when I was a baby. It's a small token, but it helps me feel like she's close by and it helps me remember that what I know of love, patience, endurance, and tenacity, I learned first from her. Thank you, Mom, for the life and legacy you lived for your children. I love you.

"Sleep is for the Weak"

2010-12-19T11:49:00.000-08:00

That's part of the title of a book my mother-in-law recently gave me--all about surviving as a working mom. Well, I guess I go in the "weak" category because I have succumbed to sleep in the last month instead of updating my blog. It occurs to me that November was national blogging month and I failed to produce even a single blog. Shameful! And when I have pictures like this to post too!

I haven't even been blog stalking, much less commenting on all the blogs of my wonderful blogging buddies and fam. I don't suppose I can count all the blogs I've written in my head over the last month and a half? No? Okay, well I'm going to sit here and eat sour gummy worms and try to turn them all into one big super blog. First, more pictures. That's all anyone really wants to see anyway, right?

I think Lil thinks sleep is for the weak as well. She was sleeping through a very large chunk of the night up until I went back to work. Now she's getting up again smack dab in the middle of the night and again early in the morning. I think she must figure, "well Mom doesn't get to see me all day, I'll bet she'll want some more bonding time around 1:30 AM. Aren't you glad to see me Mom?" Well who wouldn't want to see more of this face?

Ok, so work. I guess hate would be a strong word, but I can't say I'm completely happy to be going to work every morning. Of course I love seeing my friends that I work with and all that running around a hospital has helped me shed a few more baby pounds, but man I sure do miss my Lil' Miss. It seems so wrong that I leave her for so much of the day so often and let other people care for her and play with her and teach her things. Well I guess it's Dad right now since he's on break from school, so that's not so bad, but starting in January it will be strangers doing the job I'm supposed to be doing. I feel like one of those people that buys a dog because the idea of it seems cool, but then they put it in a kennel in the backyard and barely see it and just let it bark at the neighbors all day long. Perhaps that's not the greatest analogy, but still, how can it ever be okay that I will miss so much of the first few years of my daughter's life? I should say that I remain grateful that Ian has the opportunity to finally get his PhD and I would never say I regret the changes in our life that mean I need to keep working so he can be back in school. I am happy to contribute to what will hopefully be a more secure and fulfilling future for our family, but I do also hope that it won't be too too long before my financial contributions will be of less importance--oh, and that my daughter will still like me better than the ladies at her daycare.

Speaking of daycare, what a nightmare that has been to find! We had a home daycare all set up and then it fell through two days before I went back to work. We've been on a mad dash since trying to find a new one that doesn't have a year long waiting list. That is no easy feat, believe me. I think we finally found one, but it is very much out of our way, so that means we have lots of driving and long days in our future. Poor Lil is going to have longer days then I am and I will get to be with her just in time for the evening fussies then bedtime. Oh a little bit of my heart breaks off every day thinking of all this, but it is our reality, so I will try to dwell on it less. I'm certainly not the first or only person that has to deal with these challenges, so we will make the best of it.

We owe a very big thank you to Ian's mom who just left us after a couple of weeks of playing nanny to bridge the gap between me going back to work and Ian finishing his fall semester. She's a true pro in baby world and I'm pretty sure Lil finds me very boring now. She was so incredibly helpful and I'm so grateful that she sacrificed her time for us. Of course, being Grandma can be kind of fun too though. Thank you, Cindy, again and again.

So now Ian's done for a month (hallelujah!) and playing Mr. Mom and I'm off to work every day. That pretty much sums it up for now. I have done virtually nothing to prepare for Christmas, but it will be here before we know it. I look forward to having a long weekend with family and time to think about the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. How grateful I am for His life and for my incredible family and good friends that do so much for me. I don't deserve them but I'm glad they don't know that. I hope you all have a joyful and restful holiday. Merry Christmas!

Halloween Greetings

2010-10-31T15:14:00.001-07:00

I Heart Prevacid

2010-10-28T13:29:00.000-07:00

That's the title of the post I've been planning to write for the past week. It was all about how the prevacid (anti-reflux medicine) that our pediatrician prescribed last week all of the sudden turned my baby into the angel child I know is in there somewhere. How it made her cry much less and actually eat for longer than five minutes before she started screaming. The doctor, darn him, didn't seem real optimistic that it would work (my baby have colic?! Certainly not!). He said give it a week and if things really were better, then go ahead and continue it. I so wanted to prove to him that I knew what was wrong with my child better than he did.

So...is it working? Honestly, I really can't say. Things do seem to be better, but I'm not sure whether its from the med, or just that she's growing and that we have come to a better understanding between the two of us. She does seem to be crying a lot less and now she eats for 10 minutes before she starts screaming. I've been reading that some experts don't think anti-reflux medicine does much for infants and it has not been well studied in infants younger than one. I'm tempted to take her off of it again and see if there really is a difference. The only problem is that if it really is working that will mean she will get worse--again. Hmm. Oh the dilemmas of motherhood.

Take this dilemma for instance. You're in the shower, you've got one leg shaved, and the baby starts screaming from her crib. Do you hurry and shave the other leg or do you give it up for a lost cause and run to the baby?

I shaved the other leg.

You may well ask why I am even bothering to shave occasionally (sorry, I've suddenly realized I've gone on and on about shaving on my blog. This is a new low.). Well it's all a part of my ruse to make myself feel like a normal woman again. I find it easier to enjoy my now not so swollen ankles if they are not really hairy.

Speaking of feeling normal, I've been thinking about how I have to face going back to work soon. I am so dreading this hurdle. One, because it's, well, work. But most of all because no one should get to spend the whole day with my baby but Ian or I. Oh the thought just hurts. Yesterday I was thinking how it still kind of feels like I'm playing house, but then next month I will have to go back to work and back to normal life again and I will have to give my sweet baby back. Luckily, life won't get back to that particular normal (i.e. I get to keep the baby). Once again, we'll just have to figure out a new normal. Thinking about all this makes me very tired. Enough about normalcy.

So lest I give the wrong impression, it's not all crying and fussing around here. Enjoy her smiles...I sure do.

P.S. What's everyone making for dinner tonight? I seriously need ideas.

Retraction

2010-10-14T18:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday may have been a fluke.

Yep.

Definitely a fluke.

I am Mother, Hear Me Roar

2010-10-14T09:46:00.001-07:00

My cute daughter that cries all of the time has suddenly become much more agreeable as of yesterday. Now let's hear some knocking on wood from all across the country and pray that yesterday was not a fluke!

Yesterday was a big one. Li'L Miss and I went for a walk, then went to the post office, Party City, AND Target. Stand back everyone, I've left the apartment and I'm on a role! I even bought a pair of jeans. Not cute, skinny jeans of course, but they're certainly a step up from sweats. The waist of said jeans is way higher than is strictly decent in my opinion, but at least my belly isn't bulging over the top of them like it would be with my more typical low-rise variety. I hope I remember to do up my fly--it's been a while.

To Know One's Self

2010-10-10T19:05:00.000-07:00

It's difficult to believe it's already been a whole month since the two of us became three. With lots of nursing and rocking to sleep going on, there has certainly been some time for reflection. Being able to add "Mom" to my list of titles is without doubt the greatest joy of my life, but I do have to say that the last month has been, in a word---hard. There's quite a long list of things that make this transition hard, including an overwhelming sense of having no idea what I'm doing and feeling very cut off from society, though that is getting slowly better.

The whole sleep deprivation thing actually isn't the worst part for me. Yes, I am so very tired, but I never really have been much of a sleeper, so I can get around that one mostly ok. I've always been a night owl and hate going to bed, so I really can't remember the last time I got 8 hours of sleep anyway. I think in my pre-baby life I didn't like going to bed because it was like admitting defeat that I wasn't going to get anything else done that day and I always get restless if I feel like I'm not being productive somehow. I also hate that whole getting ready for bed ritual--I find brushing teeth, washing my face, etc. etc highly annoying.

Speaking of getting things done, I guess that would be one of the hard things about new Mommy-hood for me. My list of accomplishments in a day is far less tanglible now. Not a bad thing I suppose, just takes some getting used to. I still find myself getting restless and racking my brain trying to think of other things I should be getting done. On the up side, I now count eating, brushing my teeth, showering, and getting the baby dressed as accomplishments. And really, how bad can it be I suppose if my to-do list includes staring at this face?

If you will allow me to be very shallow, I will also have to admit that a hard thing about all this is I feel so utterly unattractive. Everyone in the world will tell you you shouldn't worry about that sort of thing after having a baby and people will always say things like "oh you look great for having just had a baby" (they always put that qualifier in there), but lets face it ladies, who doesn't wish they were the exception and just looked prepregnancy normal again only weeks after the baby comes? I hate that I don't fit into any of my clothes. I only have two pairs of pants that even fit, and they both have elastic waistbands. Even most of my shoes still don't fit. For someone that absolutely abhors shopping, I mean really abhors it, the thought of having to somehow squeeze a shopping trip into the three hour window between feedings to buy clothes bigger than I've had to before and that I hope to not need for very long is totally crappy. If I want to go anywhere besides the grocery store, I really do not have anything to wear and I'm not about to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. Grrr. Like I said, shallow, but true, and a daily annoyance.

Really though, looking back on the last month, I would have to define it by a sense of not-quite-rightness. It's a feeling that's hard to explain. I think the closest thing to compare it to would be that I've felt homesick for a month, but that's not really what it is. In part, this feeling can of course be explained by my longing for my family that is far away and by missing my Mom, oh and of course hormones I suppose, but that's not quite it either. I have come to recognize this feeling whenever I'm in the middle of a major life change. I think this time I've finally figured out what it is. We all know that change, even good change, is hard to go through. I think this is because, invariably, changes in life make us think more about ourselves, and also create changes within ourselves. Major life events are always going to turn you into a slightly different person, hopefully a better one. I think this feeling of homesickness is just my subconscious way of reconciling myself to the person I'm leaving behind and accepting the new person I am becoming. Megan the Mom is always going to be different than the Megan, just a wife. Hard to do yes, but gosh I'm so glad I get the chance to become a new me. This baby of ours is just so darn cute! With her around I think I'm in for a lifetime of becoming a new me, hopefully a better one every day.

Surviving Two Weeks and a Sponge Bath

2010-09-25T10:04:00.000-07:00

Well Li'l Miss is two weeks and 3 days old and since I am still cognizant of my surroundings and she is already almost a pound over her birth weight, I must conclude that we are surviving okay. As of this morning, she has already outgrown two of her newborn sleepers. They only stay curled up and with their little chicken legs for so long. Sigh. There is a little tear in the corner of my eye.

We have even survived her first, actually thorough, sponge bath.

While this tends to be a big first among a baby's milestones, I think it's a bigger one for Mom. I actually managed to get her clean, smelling good, and dressed again without causing her any bodily harm. Okay, so Grandma helped, but still, I'm all for little victories at this point. I may even shower today. Maybe. Or maybe tomorrow.

Our Long-Awaited Arrival

2010-09-15T09:41:00.000-07:00

Alrighty, so a big thanks to Ian for keeping things updated until I could get around to actually posting something. Oh how I love that guy. This experience does not come close I'm sure to anything he's had to endure in the past, but it's certainly not a competition so I will just be grateful for his sweet comments and move on.

So here's the long and nitty gritty detail of the past week or so. Not that you really want to read it, but it's more for me anyway so here it goes. Things did not turn out much like my visions for the perfect birth story I was hoping for, but there has been such a multitude of tender mercies from the Lord through the whole thing that all I can feel at this point is gratitude. Mostly I'm grateful for the people I believe God put in my path and that made all the difference in things turning out okay in the end. And of course, oh how grateful I am for my dear husband Ian and my sweet sister Jessica.

First let me explain what I was hoping for with the birth of Lillian. I had originally hoped for a natural birth experience meaning no inducement and little or no intervention. I had chosen a doctor and hospital that were supportive of that decision. Ian and I attended a natural childbirth class and we hired a doula, Christine, several weeks before my due date for support and coaching through labor.

Heading up to my due date the baby was looking fine, but I was not dilating at all and the baby was not dropping at all. On my due date, Wednesday, Sept 1st, I had a doctor's appointment and they did a sonogram. I was still not dilated and according to the sono, my amniotic fluid level was dropping. My doctor said we were still okay to keep waiting, but that if it dropped more, I would need to be induced. With that in mind, she wanted to start giving me medication to encourage dilation. So on that Friday, the 3rd, I went into the hospital for several hours and had "cervical ripening." After they gave me the medication I had to stay on the fetal monitor for several hours to make sure the baby was okay and that I wasn't going into labor (fat chance). It was super fun; Ian especially enjoyed sitting there with me for five hours staring at a fetal monitor. I went in again for the same thing the next Monday morning. Again, super fun. Oh, and still not dilated at this point.

Finally late Monday night, I started having some contractions. (Hallelujah, bring on the pain!) I had sporadic contractions all that night. I had semi-regular contractions all through the day on Tuesday (Sept 7th). They were anywhere from 15 to 7 minutes apart at times. I thought we were really getting somewhere now! Late that afternoon I had another doctor's appointment. We did a sonogram again then exam with the doctor. And the big news was......barely 1 cm dilated. Aaaargh! Bad news was my amniotic fluid had dropped further and was getting close to the point where they would want to induce anyway. So we went through the options with the doctor and we all were in agreement that I would go to the hospital that night for more ripening and just stay there. Then if I wasn't already laboring by morning they would officially induce me. So we went home to get ready, oh and quickly resign our apartment lease. The leasing office employee must have wondered why I was not in a very talkative mood. Those contractions will get ya you know.

While we were still at home I had a good dinner since I knew I wouldn't be eating again for a while (I thought while I was eating that I may learn to regret this....which I did). I also had Ian give me a blessing. It was a very special blessing and became a great source of comfort to me through the next two days. We left for the hospital and checked in around 9:00 that night. We decided to wait on calling the doula in until we knew whether things would really get going that night or not.

I got all checked in in my labor and delivery room and they placed the cervical ripening medication. I would have to stay on the fetal monitor all through the night since the ripening agent would stay in place until 8:00 the next morning. It wasn't long before the contractions really picked up. The nurse tried giving me Ambien and oral pain medication so that I would be able to rest for the night, but they didn't do a whole heck of a lot and I was getting increasingly uncomfortable. I was unable to relieve the discomfort with things we had talked about in our class since I had to stay in bed. By the early morning hours I was really starting to work hard so we decided to call in our doula, Christine. That's about when I lost most of my dinner Ian had so lovingly made for me. He also so lovingly held my hair out of the way and cleaned up said dinner for me. Then Christine finally arrived which was a big relief!

Christine helped me out of bed and onto an exercise ball where I could sit in more comfort but still be on the fetal monitors. She rubbed my back and coached me through each contraction. All through the early morning I had contractions that were close together and long! By 8:00 on Wednesday morning my contractions were lasting 10 minutes sometimes with several peaks. I wasn't sure I was going to make it at that point. Finally my new nurse for the day (Karen--who was super awesome) came in to remove the medication. That made things go back to a more normal pattern of contractions. And the good news was I was up to 3 cm! They would not need to induce me and I could continue to labor on my own.

So I labored through the day, mostly sitting in a rocking chair or walking the halls, with Ian to lean on and Christine and Karen coaching me to relax and breath through each contraction. At some point I tried to freshen up a little and lost whatever was left in my stomach, but all in all I was handling things okay. By midday I was making slow but sure progress, but since I had been sick, they decided to give me a little IV fluid. I had to stay in the room for a while to get the liter of fluid. That's about when who should come walking through the door but my dear sister Jessica, straight from the airport. How how happy I was to see her! She brought that extra dose of love and cheer into the room that she always brings with her. After the fluid, I was up again walking the halls to try to get things going. The contractions had slowed down somewhat, so I was trying to stay upright as much as possible. The nurse would check the baby's heart rate periodically, and on one check the rate dropped lower than they like. There were no further incidents, however, so they let me keep walking around. Around 5 or so in the evening my doctor arrived from her office and checked my progress. I was only up to a "big 6, a 7 when I was contracting." That was so discouraging! I so wanted my nurse Karen to be the one helping me push this baby out!

On a little side note, I have to mention that during this time (Wednesday evening) six tornadoes were touching down in the Dallas metroplex area. Part of labor and delivery had to be evacuated. Thankfully we didn't have to move because there were no windows in our room. Remember the Utah tornado? It touched down the day after our wedding. Now six tornadoes the night before Lillian was born. Weird.

So anyway, after that evening check, the doctor strongly suggested starting some pitocin to get things moving again since my contractions were still farther apart than they should have been. They started me on a very low dose and assured me that it should not make things more painful then they would have been anyway approaching this stage of labor. The bummer was I was now again stuck to the fetal monitors continuously. By this time, my new nurse, Heidi, (who was also heaven-sent) had taken over my care. The contractions finally started to pick back up again. During one contraction, my doula had me lay back and onto my side and asked me to take big breaths. I soon learned why when the nurse and doctor came running back into the room. The baby's heart rate had dropped again. They had me stay on my side and I had to wear an oxygen mask. The doctor said the baby wasn't tolerating the stronger contractions with the pitocin. They turned it off again, then started it back again slowly, increasing the rate ever so slightly about every half hour or so. With each increase, the nurse would have me turn to the other side, but that's the only movement I was allowed. The baby's heart rate dropped a couple more times, but came back up quickly.

At this point, late in the evening of Wednesday, I was exhausted, unable to move, on oxygen, and was very tired of this whole contraction thing. I finally decided I had had enough. I remember very vividly Jessica holding my hand and leaning over me. The doctor and Ian were at the foot of my bed. I whispered to Jess that I didn't want to do anymore. I was finally ready for some pain relief. Ian leaned over my other side and told me I had nothing to prove to anyone and it was okay to be done. Even my doula said I had worked hard for a long time and it was time to be able to relax. So I asked for the epidural. I think the doctor was relieved with my decision. My doctor was a real trooper through this. She wanted to give me every chance she could to not be induced and to go natural, even though all this made her stay for a much longer night than perhaps would have been the case. I'm very grateful to her. So anyhoo, finally the anesthesiologist arrived and quickly administered the epidural. It felt so very weird, but I finally was able to relax. This also allowed them to really crank up the pitocin to see if things would finally progress.

They continued to ramp up the pitocin and turn me every half hour or so. I was in a bit of a blur at this point. Finally around midnight the doctor came in to check me again. I was still only 7 cm dilated. The doctor said we had come to the end. We needed to get the baby out. So we decided to move forward with the c-section. They came in to turn up my epidural and prep me for surgery, and Ian got into his cute OR scrubs and hat.

(Ian trying to look convincing as an MD.)

Then they wheeled me into the OR.

What a strange and surreal experience! Mostly I remember shaking uncontrollably through the whole thing because of the epidural. Ian sat by my head until curiosity got the better of him and he stood up to watch the progress of the surgery.

Finally, a little after 1 am she was out. She needed a lot of cleaning and suctioning because there was meconium staining, but she was declared well and healthy and was soon in Ian's arms. The longest part of everything was sewing me back up. At long last we were done though and they put her in my arms and wheeled me into recovery where I got to snuggle her and really look at her for the first time. Oh how long I had waited to have a sweet baby in my arms! I was so very tired and couldn't believe I was actually holding my own baby in my arms. It had certainly been a long few days, and things didn't turn out anything like I had imagined, but I was just so grateful to have a sweet healthy baby and was touched by the compassion and good service of my nurses, doctor, and anesthetists. I felt nothing but gratitude and felt content in the decisions we had made throughout the process.

Lillian and me in recovery

So the rest of Thursday continued to be long and frustrating, full of trying to walk, trying to eat (still not going so well) and trying to breastfeed (also not going so well), but by Friday, Lillian and I were both doing better and were both finally able to eat and rest. The rest of our hospital stay was uneventful and we continued to improve. It was actually kind of nice to hang out in our own little cocoon with Ian and Jess for company and nice nurses checking in on us from time to time.

But reality must intrude!

Now we are home managing feeding, diapers, not so much sleeping, and of course those ever changing hormones. It's only taken me a week to write this, I really can't imagine how I will ever actually manage to leave my apartment again, and I ache to have my sister living next door, but I'm sure things will get easier.

Right?

Well there you have it, in much more detail than you wanted I'm sure. Thanks to anyone who actually read this ridiculously long post the whole way through. Our adventure continues!

More Lillian Pics

2010-09-14T19:41:00.001-07:00

Lillian Ruth: Born 9/9/10 at 1:27A

2010-09-10T11:10:00.000-07:00

This is Ian posting on behalf of my far tougher, stronger, insane, better half as she is still unable to spare any of the two busy hands needed to type this.

The story is long but I will be brief as I have no right as a man to even pretend like I understand the events that have transpired over these past few days. In fact, there are really only three things I know for sure. One, I really am lucky to carry the XY chromosomal pairing. Two, my wife could end my life if she ever so pleased; after what I witnessed, I will never cross that woman. And finally, I don't deserve such perfections.

Here are a few pics (and the obvious stats), with more to come as things settle down.

Stats: 7 lbs, 10 oz, 21" long.

And....

2010-09-04T11:39:00.001-07:00

Nothing.

Still waiting.

I have decided, though, that this baby girl, besides being very stubborn (like Daddy perhaps?), also has a sense of humor and must be in cahoots with the man upstairs. You see a while back I was inspired by good cousin Abby and her scripture reading goal. I decided that I would make the goal to read the entire Book of Mormon in my third trimester. I did fairly well at first, but true to form, I have dropped off in the last month or so. As my due date came, I found I still had the last books, Ether and Moroni, to finish. I've decided that our baby girl wasn't going to let me out of finishing my goal, so this morning I sat my little hiney down and finished the rest of the book. Oh how grateful I am for the Book of Mormon! I am grateful for the clear testimony of Jesus Christ that it contains and I'm so grateful for the innumerable sacrifices of those that labored to bring it forth for our behalf.

So baby girl, I finished. Now will you come?

Current Status

2010-09-01T15:14:00.000-07:00

Estimated due date: Today!! (You hear that baby? Today, today!)
Current temp: 83 and raining (Oh sweet relief!)
High temp last week: 107
Ankles: Introducing the new spokesperson for StayPuff
Work: I am outta there!
Progress towards labor: None, zip, zilch, zippo

My legs are shaved, the bathrooms are clean, and there is still food in the fridge. Come on baby, now would be really good.

Code text for Ian if he is in class when labor starts:
Thundercats HOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Don't hold your breath. We'll let you know.

Big Happenings

2010-08-07T07:32:00.000-07:00

So let's just dispense with all the excuses about why I haven't blogged for so long (even though I actually have something to blog about), shall we? Yes lets.

Ok, so we've got big news going on in Dallas in our little lives so I will hit the highlights.

First BIG item--my tummy.
This picture is actually about two weeks old so it's even bigger now, but I'm just not feelin' the love this morning so this is the picture you get. This is the day I was showing off my nice new "low maintenance" haircut.

Of course even BIGGER news is I have completely failed to even post about what kind of baby we're having (as in either the boy or girl kind). Many of you probably already know, but if you don't, let me enlighten you. How about I show you our very first baby purchases and see if you can guess?

My first baby purchase:
Ian's first baby purchases:

Ian said he'd let the flowery number slide for now, but that he would appreciate a little say in the wardrobe from now on to make sure there is enough coolness factor in there. She may be a Texas baby, but Ian is determined to make sure there is still some So Cal mixed in there.

We're officially on the countdown now before her arrival--about 3 1/2 more weeks to go--and we are on a mad dash to get everything ready and settled before she arrives. I still have freak out moments from time to time, where I suddenly stop and think "Oh my gosh! I'm going to have a kid I have to take care of!" but we certainly feel abundantly blessed and we are so excited to meet our new little girl. (Name still to be determined.)

Another item of big news is I kind of got a new job. When we moved down here I was having to move back and forth between two hospitals to get enough hours. Well, I have finally managed to get a full-time position at just the downtown hospital which is much to be desired. I start my new position this Monday. So at 37 weeks pregnant I'm starting a new job! Not bad, eh? I'm actually really nervous about making it through each day, but we'll take it a day at a time and the ladies I work with are fabulous and will help keep me going. Go me!

OK, so now imagine you hear trumpets for the next bit of REALLY BIG news! Up until a few weeks ago there was a whole lot of studying going on at our house as Ian prepared for the qualifier exams to be able to move on in his PhD program. (Bella was very helpful in this regard).

We finally got the news last week that HE PASSED!!!!!!!!!!! I can't tell you what a relief this is for us! Ian can now finally finish his dream of getting that elusive PhD and he is now fully funded for tuition and has a Teaching Assisstantship that will give him a monthly stipend. Hallelujah! A huge weight has been lifted from his shoulders (to make room for that whole Dad thing) and we are ever so grateful.

We have truly been blessed immensely these last few weeks. We're a little afraid to drive our cars thinking there must be a semi or something coming our way, but for now we will just be grateful for all the good things that have come our way. We are happy and excited and as always, so grateful for our good family that supports us. We love you all so much! More to come!

Happy Birthday Mom

2010-02-24T07:37:00.000-08:00

Missing you and needing you more than ever.

Do you believe in miracles?

2010-02-14T19:03:00.001-08:00

YES.

No shots, no endless ultrasounds, no uninterested third parties. Just God's miracle when he decided the time was right.

And we are grateful.
ETA: September 1st

WHAT??!!!

2010-02-12T18:39:00.000-08:00

The backyard this morning:

"Oh, winter in Texas is not bad at all--it's very mild."

Hah! Texas is determined to prove all y'all wrong.

"You probably won't even need your winter coat."

Sheesh.

Calisthenics

2010-02-07T19:05:00.000-08:00

I have a whole new respect for our brave men and women of the military. I love the guy at the end who kind of gives up and just jumps up and down. Bless his heart.

Texas Christmas and other such news

2010-02-01T20:20:00.000-08:00

Well I've been meaning to blog forever and start out with something like, "Now that the holiday craziness is over it's time I should be blogging again," but really, in February you can hardly use that excuse anymore. So excuses aside, here I am again, finally.

We had a great Christmas by the way and I actually got two whole days off from work, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day! Will wonders never cease! I had to head right back on the 26th, but we won't go into that. And of course, in true fashion, I have no photos to document that we actually did indeed celebrate Christmas. With no kids around and after 10 years of marriage, I guess things just start to look the same every year so I tend to forget to pull the ol' camera out. I'm sure someday I will be better at this. But I digress. We had our lovely traditional fondue dinner on Christmas Eve, made more enjoyable by the presence of some new friends that are in Ian's program. Christmas day was also a wonderfully relaxing day that we spent at Ian's Dad's house. One interesting note was we actually had snow on Christmas day, the first in several decades apparently. Ian said of course it figures since it was his first December here (he's not a big fan of snow see). I did get a picture of the snow falling, but of course failed to document the actual white stuff on Christmas morning.

(This is the view from our back porch, one of my favorite things about our apartment.)

Ian didn't have to head back to school until January 19th, so we got lots of time to hang out and be lazy together. It was just heavenly to have him around so much. New Years celebrations this year were highlighted with a visit from Ian's little brother D-man. He came to stay with us for two nights. The first item of business when he arrived was Ian took him to Target and purchased what is most essential for boys hanging out together while I was working--Nerf guns of course. They got all the proper gear for an all out battle, hindered only by the close proximity of our small apartment. Needless to say, they had a little fun.

Here's the pair of them.

And here's Ian battling D-man into submission. The kid's hilarious--he thinks it's absolutely hysterical if you hit him in the face with a dart. It's really quite entertaining. You can relax on the couch and keep him in hysterics by firing one dart after another. Again, I remind you that this is perfectly acceptable behavior for a sister-in-law (he had safety goggles on after all).

On a side note, I am happy to report that I actually made a resolution in 2009 and kept it all the way until December. I made a goal about my temple attendance and I actually reached it! Woohoo! I think that's my first ever completed new year's resolution. I am now well on my way to not keeping any new resolutions for 2010, but hey, the year is young.

So Ian is now back in school and it's back to the same old grind. School, work, clean, bleh, etc.

And to end, more Texas bumper stickers:

"Illiterate? Write for our free brochure"

And of course, "Gun control means using two hands."

By the way I officially declare the Texas state saying to be "Oh, bless your heart" followed closely by "I'm fixin' to ......" These phrases fit surprisingly well into many types of conversations. Try it for yourself.

This and That

2009-12-03T20:56:00.000-08:00

Some of you may have noticed an absence of astute political commentary on Ian's blog. I thought I'd fill you in a little on what he has been up to. He's off studying tonight, so I looked around a little.

Here's an article he's reading:
And why is the equity premium a puzzle?
The answer is totally scintillating, of course, but ask Ian to tell you about it. He explains it better than me.

And here's the white board in the study:

Does this make any sense to you? I mean who needs a PhD in economics to understand that? Isn't it totally obvious?

And what is his wife doing while he's off laboring and working to understand the exciting world of economics? Oh I'm being completely productive. While thinking of how I should be unpacking those last two pesky boxes, or folding laundry, or decorating for Christmas, or I don't know, anything productive, I'm watching a teeny bopper movie on Netflix and eating the last of the mashed potatoes from Thanksgiving. I am so underwhelmed with myself. Sheesh.

By the way, Thanksgiving was great. Ian actually took a break for a day and we hung with his Dad and family.

Ian desecrated, I mean carved, the turkey for us.
He's so good at that. Oh my poor husband has lost his butt, never to return I'm afraid.

That night Ian's little brother came to spend the night with us. He's so fun to hang out with. He and I went for a walk to the little lakes in our apartment community to feed the ducks.

(Good thing there weren't any boogers in my nose.)

Oh, and D-man found the lake. I was being totally lax in my parenteral overlooking duties. Mom's may not let their kids fall in streams, but sisters-in-law can right?

Turkey day was great, now Christmas here we come! (After finals of course.)

Things that make you go, "Hmmmm?"

2009-11-22T21:15:00.000-08:00

A recent conversation I heard at the grocery store: (in the juice aisle)

Boy: Let's get this one
Girl: Uh, noo. Why would we get it at 2 for $5.00 when we could get one for $2.69?

My fortune cookie:

Not sure if everyone would agree with this one. Perhaps? Hmmm.

Move over Alfred Hitchcock:

When I drive home from work, there is one intersection that always l ooks like this.

Why this one intersection? Why so many? This shouldn't be creepy, but darn Hitchcock if he didn't make it downright unnerving.

Texas bumper stickers:

I've made it a habit to store in my memory bumper stickers I see driving around Dallas. They seem to be of a different strain than in California. Here's the latest (seen on a big truck):

"Let's get squirrely."

Getting more than I payed for:

We recently purchased some cat food online. When we opened the box there was something extra.

WEE-WEE pads? Why would they send us WEE-WEE pads? Did someone think, "Huh, let's just throw in some WEE-WEE pads for good measure?" And furthermore, just what am I supposed to do with said WEE-WEE pads? My conscience dictated that I call the place. I left a message saying I got something I didn't pay for, but they never called me back. Do I actually have to spend the money to send back WEE-WEE pads when it was their mistake? WEE-WEE pads? Does anyone need some WEE-WEE pads?

And finally,

Exploring new places:

Found a new road,

Now that is just cool. Something to aspire to, to live on Chevy Chase Ave. Imagine the exterior illumination on that street!

Holy cow I live in Texas!!!!

2009-11-05T19:21:00.001-08:00

This is what I say to myself at random times because it's all a little surreal still. But, Texas, here I am. It has been kind of a rough adjustment for me, but things are starting to feel a little more settled now. Of course, I think PMS then a week of the flu conspired to make the transition that much more difficult, but I digress.

Things didn't exactly go smoothly from the beginning. My saint of a brother Matthew can attest to that. Getting here from California was a bit of a chore to say the least. I had already driven Ian down here to live with his Dad while I stayed in San Diego and looked for jobs. I found one quickly, thankfully, but then I faced the task of packing and moving by myself. Lots of wonderful people helped me on my way, and I finally got to moving day. Matthew flew in the night before. The elders quorum showed up in force to help pack the truck. First snag--the rental truck wasn't big enough. We had to go back and get a bigger truck, it ended up being much bigger. But, we finally got everything packed and two wonderful friends stayed up till wee in the morning helping me finish up. They even scattered rose petals around my truck as they left. Oh how I miss them.

(It did not look this happy and organized)

We left early (well, sort of early) the next morning. Matthew drove the rental truck and I drove our Chevy truck with two whining cats in tow. At first things weren't so bad, then--second snag. The rental truck starting emitting dark smoke somewhere in the middle of Arizona (a bad sign) and Matthew pulled over. Long story short, the truck was a no go. We had to call for a tow. Meanwhile, pulled over on the side of the road in the Arizona desert, my poor cats were really not looking so good. I tried to leave the truck on with the AC, but then the truck started to over heat. I was kind of starting to freak out (in a calm way of course) and didn't know what to do. Matthew made the executive decision. I kept going while he waited for the tow truck (for a very long time). So to make a long story even shorter, they ended up having to move our stuff to a different truck and Matthew ended up driving all night long after the swap. We kept going, but in the end we took 3 days instead of two to get to Dallas. Oh I owe my brother big time. As soon as we got to Dallas, I drove him to the airport so he could head off to work. Thank you, Matthew, more than I can say.

(I thought I had pictures on the road, but they're on my cell phone, so sorry.)

Settling in to our new apartment has taken me forever, but I like our new place. It's smaller, so storage solutions have become increasingly creative (found one up high for the cats). It's nice and cozy though and we have a great view out back. One downside is the electric stove. I'm so used to a gas stove I struggle with that one. I've had to air out the apartment at least three times so far cooking dinner. Live and learn--eventually. (Pictures to come, when it's just a little cleaner.)

As for my job, well, that's probably been the hardest transition of all. I loved my job in San Diego. I loved my coworkers and everything was so comfortable. Here's some shots of my goodbye party--I miss them so much!

Anyway, I'm kind of back down at the bottom of the totem pole and have to work my way back up again. I have to cover at two different hospitals in the same health system to be able to get hours and I have to work every weekend. Blah! I have to assert myself all over again and prove that I really do know what I'm doing. I have felt so incredibly uncomfortable. I suppose that's when growth happens. Sigh.

On a side note, we can wear scrubbs to work here. I've never had that option before. We have to wear a certain color to designate that we are dietitians. Of course, the two hospitals I cover require different colors for their dietitians. I just know I'm going to get mixed up and show up in the wrong color one of these days. I HATE shopping, so the scrubs thing works out well for me I think. I will say it feels weird to look down and see you are wearing turquoise pants to work, but oh well. I felt so energetic the first time I wore them. Wearing pajama bottoms and running shoes at work made me feel like I should be super speedy or do lunges down the hall or something. Don't worry, I just contented myself with walking down the hall really fast instead. Here's me in my super scrubs with my super dietitian binder and wonder calculator.

(I was going for the super hero look, but I think I just look like something smells really bad.)

Things I've noticed so far about Dallas:

-my hair doesn't like it here
-drivers are terrible, really terrible
-pedestrians don't wait for lights
-Greenville (a road) is pronounced "Greenvull"
-Cowboy's jerseys are available with ruffles and sequins

Also, in a two to three block radius of our place there must be at least 5-6 liquor stores and several stores called Condoms to Go and my personal favorite (of store names that is), Condom Sense. On the up side, two, count them two Targets within 5 minutes. Yee haw!

Well that's all for now. I know it's November again, but I really am going to post more now. More to come as I learn about Dallas!

My fellow young women leaders in San Diego felt it was only fitting to send me to Texas with a proper Texas Do. We didn't have a Bump-it so we had to make do with a toilet paper roll. Phew! Now I'll fit in!

IT'S THE END OF NOVEMBER??!!!???

2008-11-26T00:43:00.000-08:00

How did this happen?! Is it seriously almost the end of 2008? I'm afraid I've gone back to my old trick of putting the blinders on and trudging forward with whatever life throws at me, only keeping in touch with those that are right in front of my face. Sorry for the extreme neglect of my blog. I'm sure you can imagine the same sorry state of my personal journal. So anywhoo, where to begin? I guess I'll give the extremely shortened, highlights version. It actually should be pretty short since we are really not all that interesting. I must mention, since I spoke of it in a previous post, that I did finally finish organizing my stupid file cabinet, and have even kept it organized these many months and kept the infernal piles at bay! Little Bella was extremely helpful with this process. This is hardly noteworthy news, but an accomplishment for me anyway.

As far as the summer goes, it was mostly spent studying. I studied pretty much every night after work for the CNSC exam, which stands for Certified Nutrition Support Clinician. It is a test for doctors, nurses, and dietitians that certifies that you are specialized in IV nutrition and tube feedings, with all of the associated complications and management concerns. This is useful to me as I pretty much work exclusively in the ICU and it looks good on a resume. Studying was tough, but I really learned a lot and it was all applicable to what I do every day. I got a few study breaks here and there with Ian's family visiting and of course a wonderful visit from my dear sister. The weekend with Jess was definitely my best weekend EVER! We had a blast. She treated me to way more than I deserved and we had so much fun just hanging together. We had a great laugh in the fancy hotel bathroom where you could actually see through the glass to the person next to you. If I had been doing my business next to anyone but my sister I would have been mighty uncomfortable!

So with visits and studying, that pretty much rounded out the summer. I took the actual test mid-September. Then I had to wait 6 weeks for my results. And the verdict was.......Ta Da!!! I Passed!!!! I actually did pretty well on the test and was super happy to be done with it. I'm now certified for five years. Yea!! So now I've been super busy at work and have actually been recently promoted to Lead Clinical Dietitian. It sounds more official than it really is, but it will provide some new opportunities and learning experiences for me. In fact, my manager will be leaving for maternity leave in a few months, and I will be filling in during her absence. I can't imagine how I'm going to fill her shoes, but I'm sure the experience of trying to do just that will be good for me. Now that I have a new position at work, I feel it is a good time to get some new work clothes. I asked Ian his opinion on the matter and he very wisely agreed that some new work clothes were definitely in order.

Other than that, there is really not much of interest to report. After my test, I've spent the months trying to catch back up on the rest of my life (obviously haven't caught up so well as you can tell by my blog). I made a long to-do list after my test that I'm afraid I'm still working on. The problem is I keep starting over on the first three items: clean, laundry, grocery shopping. I never seem to get to the rest of the list once I get home from work and get those things done! It is so darn frustrating! I love to imagine a day where I actually do everything I mean to, exercise, go to work, make dinner, practice violin, study scriptures, do some project around home--meanwhile keeping everything clean and laundry done and folded. Oh will there ever be such a day? I despair of it ever occurring. I'm afraid my motivation begins to dwindle about the time I hit the snooze button for the third time. Aaach! Save me from myself and my to-do list! Oh the frustration!

As for Ian, since I'm sure you're wondering, he is doing pretty well. He's still a bit underweight, but he's up over thirty pounds from his lowest, which is a huge improvement. He's still riding the same old roller coaster with health concerns, just different hills, but he manages well and is working full time and keeping very busy.

So now the official kick-off of holiday season begins and we're gearing up for the big Turkey day at our apartment. We are so grateful for the blessings we have, especially for each other and our families. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and hope you come back and visit the blog again. I'm determined to be a better correspondent! Love to all. I'm finally going to bed now. I've got stuff to do tomorrow....er today.

Hmmmmm

2008-06-15T20:21:00.000-07:00

That's me trying to think of something to blog about. Yep, you heard it here first, we are officially BORING! Ok so let me give you the update. Me--well I work. Yep, I think that's about it. Ok, so I am trying to get in a little more running again finally, and though violin has slipped horribly down on the priority scale, I'm still trying I guess. Oh, and I think I'm entering the third month or so in my saga of trying to reorganize my file cabinet. My shredder can only take so much you know. We both get overheated very quickly. Enough about me. As for Ian, he is doing pretty darn good. He is up about 25 pounds or so from his lowest point and making progress. He's working again and eating real food which is certainly a plus! All in all I'd say life is about normal, well normal for us anyway. How uninteresting is that!

So I will say a little about this weekend. Some of you may know about the U.S. Open? That big golf tournament right? Yeah, I know nothing about golf, but anyway, the Open is happening just down the road from us. Everyone is all abuzz about it. We went out to dinner on Friday and saw all these people in their cool golf hats that had obviously just come off the golf course. They were all in town just for the big event. When we were leaving the restaurant there was a large group of them out front visiting. As we passed them I got the strongest urge to yell:

"I live here! I live here! Hah, hah! You all have to fly here to visit Torrey Pines, but I can go whenever I want to. I'm not a tourist, I live here!"

(We live in an apartment next to the building with the green roof.)

Rest assured that I did not actually make this announcement out loud, but I do have to say that I am incredibly fortunate to live in a place that so many people like to visit. Yeah, it can be crowded and the houses are built entirely too close together, but you can't beat the weather and the ocean, well, it's the ocean! We are truly very lucky. So come visit family! We live in San Diego!

40 Days and (a few less) Nights

2008-04-12T21:59:00.000-07:00

Hospital days that is. Ian just got home last night from another 11 days in our nearby Scripps "health spa" rounding it out for an even 40 days total over the past month and a half. 40 days, 4 admissions, 3 surgeries, 3 different PICC lines for IV nutrition, 6 units of blood, 2 units of fresh frozen plasma, 2 ER visits, who knows how many pokes and prods, and I sure hope he is done for a while! This last visit was related to a problem with his pancreas that was caused by an antibiotic he was prescribed. (Or that's their theory anyway.) Ian has been a real trooper and though his weight dropped even more while in the hospital, he is on the way back up and doing much better. I'll be home from work just a little longer to make sure he stays on the road to recovery. He is back doing IV nutrition at night but eating during the day. He is now also on an appetite stimulant and an anabolic steroid to really get him gaining weight again. With 24 hour nutrition and some "juice," I think we are finally "gonna PUMP, [clap], him up!"

The bright spot in the last week and a half was the visit from my Dad and Shelley. They visited with Ian of course, then whisked me away for most of a day and took me shopping, fed me, and got me out in the sun for a while. It was so good to be with them, and though I felt sorry that Ian couldn't have such a break, it sure was refreshing for me at least. Thanks Dad and Shelley!

Now today, with Ian home, I just can't stop smiling when I see him eating or going through the pantry looking for snacks, lugging around the IV bag on his shoulder. With all the encouragement he gets to eat and chew his food well (so it doesn't get stuck in his intestine), I find myself doing the same. Hey, I help any way I can. Here's hoping for a ravenous husband and days of normalcy ahead!

Whoo-Hoo!!!!!

2008-03-29T14:19:00.000-07:00

Ian is home at last! He has been home three days and so far so good. He's up walking around and eating solid food again. He's got a lot of recovering to do, but he's making great progress. I still get to play nurse with dressing changes and making sure he gets his meds, but no more IV's at least. We're so relieved to have him home! Thanks again for all the well wishes. Another 40 pounds or so and we can post pictures of Ian again! We'll keep you updated on his progress.

Update: Best of Three?

2008-03-19T07:46:00.000-07:00

Well the saga continues I'm afraid. Here's a quick run-down of what's going on with Ian. I told you that he was initially in the hospital for a week to drain an infection and received blood transfusions. Then we were home for a brief respite with him on IV nutrition. He then went back into the hospital for the colon removal. His surgery went well and he was in the hospital for five days getting his pain under control and gradually moving up to a solid diet. We went home, but were only there 2 days when Ian's pain suddenly became worse and his belly looked much more swollen. We went back to the ER and Ian was admitted to drain some fluid from his abdomen and have a tube put into his stomach through his nose to drain his gut. We then were in "wait and see" mode for a while to see if his gut would start working again. They also restarted the IV nutrition. Then his pain got bad again and they had to take him to the OR in the evening over the weekend. They had to remove some scar tissue and untwist his small intestine. They also had to scrub out his abdominal incision and culture the wound. Now his wound cultures have come back positive for a resistant strain of bacteria. So as of yesterday he was starting treatment for this most recent infection and was receiving more blood to help with his anemia, continuing on the IV nutrition and still unable to eat or drink. Whew! I think that's mostly the gist of it! My heart aches for Ian in all that he has suffered, but I hope that things will improve soon. In all of this I must remain grateful for my dear husband, my wonderful family, good friends that do more for me than I do for them, good insurance, a good surgeon, and a good workplace that misses me but also lets me have plenty of time off. We continue to hope and pray for positive progress and to have Ian home again soon. Thanks to you all for your continued thoughts and prayers!

Dinner is served!

2008-03-01T12:37:00.001-08:00

Well I had thought after my last blog that I would be posting some pictures from my trip to Utah, however the trip turned out to be a little short! Instead, I figured many of you may be interested in our recent goings on, so I will fill you in. I arrived in Utah a week ago Wednesday. I got to visit for a little more than 24 hours before I had to turn around Thursday and rush home. Ian's health had unfortunately deteriorated once more, and he was admitted to the hospital that Thursday. Boy did that put new meaning to the phrase, "I'm packing my bags, 'cause I'm goin' on a guilt trip!" He was admitted for an infection related to his Crohn's and also ended up having some major bleeding from his colon. May I just say here how deflating it is as a dietitian to have his admitting diagnoses also include malnutrition? Oh the irony! But anyhoo, to make a long story short, Ian had a long week in the hospital, but after a number of blood transfusions and a quick drainage of his infection in the OR, he got to come home on Wednesday of this past week. I've been home with him making sure he gets all his meds around the clock and hooking up his nutrition that runs through his IV line every night. The up side? I have a week's worth of meals for Ian in my fridge:

(Doesn't that look good? I just slaved and slaved. )

He can't eat solid food anymore because his colon looks like this:

So we head back to the hospital this coming Tuesday and Ian will be having the left side of his colon removed. If all goes well he should be in the hospital just about another week. He then will eventually be going back for more surgery in about 3 months or so depending on how things heal. We are praying and are optimistic that all of this will make his life much better and that it may offer a somewhat more permanent solution to his health problems. So to share what has become our favorite quote over the last week or so, "We will just wait and see!" Thanks to you all for your love and concern. It is deeply felt. Oh, and just so there's a more uplifting picture than the last one, here's one of our kitties who are taking great advantage of the comfy set up we've got going for Ian in the living room. Love to you all!

Snow anyone?

2008-01-31T21:54:00.000-08:00

So I've decided I just can't take anymore if these sunny days and ocean breezes, so I'm coming to Utah to freeze my patootey off! Anyone want to go skiing near the end of February?

A Night for Nostalgia

2008-01-27T15:13:00.000-08:00

This last Thursday I got to have the most wonderful evening. I had the privilege of going to see violinist Pinchas Zukerman in concert with the San Diego Symphony and the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra (from London). I had been looking forward to the evening since I bought tickets in October. Zukerman has been my most favorite violinist since I first started playing. There is just something special in the way he plays. The sweetness he can coax out of a violin is incomparable and he makes it look effortless to boot. He is so much fun to watch! The last time I saw him in concert was when I was nine. Mom and Dad had given me tickets on my ninth birthday to see him play with the Utah Symphony. So to put it simply, this was a really big deal to me! It made me really excited and nostalgic all at once, and I have to thank my sweet husband for going with me and patiently smiling at all the right times when a little flick of the hand or bow made me especially excited. We got all dressed up and to add to the nostalgic theme, I pulled out my Mom's beautiful Pendleton coat I hadn't brought myself to wear since her passing, and we headed to symphony hall. We had great seats where I could easily see everything he was doing and the balance was perfect. The concert was just amazing. Pinchas played and conducted Beethoven's violin concerto and the two combined orchestras played Beethoven's Fifth, conducted by Pinchas Zukerman. His musicianship is incredible (he barely looked at the score for the symphony), and he seems to be very humble. He seems almost shy when accepting the applause. I do feel the need to mention the nice gentlemen sitting beside me for the concert. Picture a Santa-looking fellow, with beard and all, dressed very casually in black pants and a grey sweatshirt. He was also wearing a Jamaica style beanie cap with a large button pinned on it that read "Hot Chicks Dig Obama." As the concert began I unfortunately also happened to notice this man's feet. He was wearing those Indian-looking flip-flop sandals that have the jewels all over them (definitely feminine-looking I might add) and his toe nails were painted turquoise! What's more, he's apparently an authority on Beethoven, or so he led me to believe with his few comments during intermission. I think I said something like, "Huh" when he dazzled us with his Beethoven trivia. He also kept grunting during the concert. I considered looking his way during the concerto to see if he was breathing okay, but decided against it. He made it through the whole thing, so I guess he was okay. All in all though, it was an absolutely wonderful evening and I'm so so glad that I got to go and that I was able to spend it with Ian. Good music is good for the soul!

A little side note, I finally bought myself a new violin case after years of complaining about my old one! Yea! It's so pretty and you can even turn it into a backpack if you want. I feel so cool, now I just need somewhere to go!

(Do you like the crooked pictures in the background? That's my idea of decorating.)

Finally

2008-01-13T21:18:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I finally read Twilight this week. I always come at these "must-read" types very late because I like to pretend that I came upon them myself, not that I'm jumping on the band wagon (doesn't make much sense I know, but whatever). I know I'm among fans, so I must tread carefully, but I have to say I was kind of over it by the middle of the book. I mean, yeah, of course I was hooked and all and couldn't put it down, yada, yada, but I found it all just a little over the top for my taste. I mean, did we really need to be reminded that often how gorgeous Edward was? It was almost like the book was saying, "Are you imagining Edward now? Well you're not imagining him good enough!" And I also have to admit that I just didn't find Bella's character to be unusual or complex enough to have been the love interest of Edward after almost a hundred years. (By the way, we named our new kitten Bella a while back, having no idea that was Stephenie Meyer's heroine. I'm a bit bitter by that!). Anyway, yes, I enjoyed it, but I was fine when it was over too. Are the next two worth it? What do ya think?

Blah.

2007-12-03T23:32:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel that way? Just blah? I can't really describe it much better than that. It's that plugging along bit of life that just really gets to you sometimes, you know? At times I feel like I'm trudging through this mud pit from which one just can't escape. Then sometimes you feel a little lighter and think maybe you're coming out of the mud, then you look back and find you've left your shoe behind you back in the quagmire somewhere. Is there a grassy meadow ahead? Perhaps I'm just tired; perhaps I'm just up way too late--perhaps I just need a slobbery kiss from one of my nieces or nephews and hugs from my brothers and sister? Anyhoo, just felt I needed to make my presence known again in blogging land. Still here, feeling blah, but still here. In any case, I will trudge on, nay, I will triumph!

Life is...normal

2007-11-02T20:24:00.000-07:00

Well I'm back finally. I feel I have been out of the blog-o-sphere forever. I've just been catching up on some blogs and figured mine needed some updating. So the firestorm is over I suppose and life for us is pretty much back to normal. I do say that with some guilt, however, because I know there are so many people in our area who won't be able to say that for a very long time. Other than a long work week, a little less sleep than normal (which isn't much anyway), and realizing that we really need to clean out our closets so we can find our most valued treasures, our lives were pitifully little changed by the firestorm. I can only be grateful that we are safe and don't have to deal with the headache of property loss. Now we are starting to hear all the sad and touching stories related to all of the fires. I liked one story I heard this morning. Apparently a policeman who was getting ready to head up to the fire area was stopped on the street by a homeless man. The man asked if the policeman was going to the fires. When the policeman replied that he was, the homeless man handed the policeman his tent. A very meaningful gesture I thought. The closest effect of the fires that we felt personally was that the property of Ian's former boss was severly damaged and some of his animals were killed. It was very sad. It will definitely be a long recovery for many in our area.

Not to detract from the previous subject at all, but I must mention one little incident to end on a lighter note. There is actually one casualty of the last couple of weeks that I must report. Sadly, our trusted friend, the good old "Hoover Soft & Light" has sucked her last suck.

(By the way, being the traditonalist that I am, the fact that it is called a "soft & light" makes it female in my book. You may argue amongst yourselves if you disagree.) She was a good little vacuum that served us well. Hailing from the Logan Walmart, she cost us just $45 in the first year of our marriage. Now 8 years later she has sucked faithfully from Logan all the way to San Diego. Her last effort was in vacuuming almost the entire apartment, giving out just before she could get to the last corners of the kitchen. But alas, she did not go quietly. I was just vacuuming along, when the stench of burning rubber became decidely more pronounced. I put my face right down close to take a look into her depths, and yes, I saw sparks. That's when she exploded. Fearing for the safety of my scarless visage, I nearly jumped out of my skin and not wanting to touch the moaning vacuum I ran to the outlet and unplugged the vacuum, and then stood rooted to the spot with my eyes bulging and my heart racing. This is when Ian came running from the office.

"What was that?"

"The vacuum."

"What did you vacuum up?"

"Nothing. It exploded."

"Huh. It smells in here."

So guess what we bought at Walmart last weekend?

Still here...

2007-10-23T19:42:00.001-07:00

Just wanted to put a quick note out there if any one was checking. This is a picture of one of the three very large fires burning in our area. We are located in the small triangle just below the 56 freeway on the east of I-5 (lower left corner). As of yet our area is only voluntary evacuation. We are packed and ready to go, but hanging out at home. We don't expect to have to evacuate. We are situated in between the two largest fires. I think if we do have to evacuate it will only be if the worst should happen and the two fires meet. I'm helping out at my hospital during the day and Ian's camped out at home keeping tabs on things. Right now we are safe and comfy. Of course we will let family know if anything changes. Pray for better weather!

2007-10-04T22:52:00.000-07:00

Perspective

I have to mention an interesting couple of patients I saw at the hospital the other day. One particular patient had a diagnosis that profoundly affected his appetite. He had been losing weight and was not eating much in the hospital. I went by his room to see if there was anything I could do to help him find something that he would be able to eat. Our kitchen was his limit. His family in the room promptly told me upon my entering that his appetite was just fine, that it was our substandard food that was the problem and that our turkey sandwiches looked like cat food. (Cat food? Really?). Let me just say here that these sorts of outbursts really don’t faze me anymore. (You don’t like our food? Well I don’t make it and we aren’t a hotel you know!). One of the family members even suggested that perhaps if she helped in the kitchen she could show our cooks a thing or two. I told her that I was sure they would love her help (very graciously of course). So in the end, I was surprisingly little able to help the poor man and encouraged his family to bring in food for him.

Next I went to see another elderly patient a few rooms over. This patient, because of his diagnosis, was only able to have liquids at that point and I went into his room to discuss his medical conditions, his recent weight loss, diet for when he went home, etc. He was a delightful man and soon he was asking where I was from, was I married, etc. He noticed my last name on my name badge, which invariably brings on a conversation about Ireland. He told me about his visits there and encouraged me to visit there with my husband. After a wonderful visit, I was preparing to leave and jokingly lamenting with him about his exciting diet of broth and juice. To this he replied “Hey, I spent 6 years in a prisoner of war camp, its all relative.” Is it ever! I wished he could go tell the other patient down the hall a thing or two!

That got me thinking. Life really is so much about your perspective and how you choose to react to things. The only problem is it takes so dang long to gain that valuable perspective that allows you to see things in their proper place! Take Ian’s grandfather for instance. The man is strong Irish-stock, has gone by ‘Red’ most of his life, and single-handedly beat up 6 teenage boys when he was about 70 (they tried to steal his radio). He’s lived through 3 major wars and been shot three times. At 78 he had the right side of his colon removed and when prior to surgery the physician tried to reassure him, he just told the doctor that this was really no big deal and he already knew he’d be just fine. In recounting this to Ian, he filled Ian in on his big secret. “You just choose to be positive” he said.

So here’s my question. Do you have to be a prisoner of war, be shot three times, or have your colon removed to be able to learn how to have the proper perspective on life? Or do we all need to experience starvation, poverty, or depravity in order to learn how to have a positive attitude at all costs? Of course these are extreme examples, but in reality, if you want perspective, I do believe we have to endure a little suffering now and then. As privileged as I am, I guess I just hope that what little I do endure will be enough. I guess that’s what is meant by the vicissitudes of mortality. With the ups and the downs we learn to discern the bitter from the sweet and learn the difference between grief and joy. Perspective is good, but I prefer the joy.

Buddies

2007-09-20T21:39:00.001-07:00

Oh, they just make my heart strings twitter.

For Mom

2007-09-09T21:44:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about my Mom this week and wishing I could give her a call, so I wanted to share a little tribute. Forgive me if I go on and on about myself, but this is my blog after all so here goes. You may know from reading Jess's blog that I did a violin recital a little while back. Doing a recital had actually been a goal of mine for a few years. The night of the recital I shared with the audience that the recital had been a long time goal of mine and part of my original intention in doing the recital was so that my Mom could come hear me play again. As you know, I wasn't able to achieve that goal before Mom passed away. Thus the recital had become my way of honoring her and the gifts she left us. I played five pieces that night, and I dedicated the last piece especially to her. Many of you will know the piece as a family favorite--"Ashokan Farewell." I have to say that I think that night was one of the most incredible that I have ever experienced. The joy I felt in achieving that goal and in being able to provide a tangible tribute to Mom was indescribable, and all of the emotion that came with that feeling I poured into that last piece. I really can’t describe the feelings I had during that piece and then when it was all over. I felt elevated and filled with just pure, sweet joy. I know this is starting to sound fairly cheesy, but it's the best I can do. Again, forgive me for laying out for you all the inner thoughts of my head, but I just share it because I'm so grateful to have had the experience and most importantly, am grateful for the saint I knew as Mother. I probably sound overly dramatic and actually feel kind of stupid for posting this, but at the same time feel like its something I want to share, so anyway… The following is a clip of the last piece, "Ashokan Farewell," at my recital. Hope you enjoy.

Tagged

2007-09-02T16:00:00.000-07:00

My gracious me I have something else to post about! Jess tagged me ages ago and here it is finally.

Jobs I've Held:
1. Counter girl at Training Table
2. "Landscape Maintenance Technician" for Kaysville City (aka lawn mower and gravedigger)
3. Hostess at Ruby Tuesday
4. Clinical Dietitian for Scripps

Places to go for a weekend getaway:
1. San Diego (there's still plenty here I haven't explored)
The rest is my wishlist (hint hint to hubby)
2. L.A.
3. San Francisco
4. Vegas to see Phantom (and Abby!)

Movies I can watch over and over:
1. Emma
2. Pride and Prejudice
3. Ghostbusters
4. Moonstruck

Guilty Pleasures:
1. A good book and tortilla chips
2. Chips with Ian's guacamole or pico de gallo
3. Walking down the beach right at the water's edge and splashing around a little when I think no one is watching
4. Afternoon nap with my kitty curled up next to me

Places I've Lived:
1. Shreveport, Louisiana
2. Kaysville, Utah
3. Logan, Utah
4. San Diego, California

What were likely the first things you thought of when you saw your significant other for the first time:
1. Nice hair (it was longer than mine was at the time)
2. He must have tons of friends
3. He'll never talk to me
4. I feel very small (short freshman looking at very tall junior)

Places I've been on vacation:
1. Wenatchee, WA
2. Waldport, OR
3. Cancun, Mexico
4. Maui, HI

Favorite Foods:
1. Strawberries
2. Peanut butter
3. Marinara sauce
4. Chips and salsa

If in a "jam" with your spouse, what tactics do you use to get out of the doghouse?
1. Say I'm sorry
2. Give him my cutest puppy dog face
3. Give him a "power hug"
4. Give him a neck rub

Websites I visit almost daily:
1. Email
2. Blogs
3. Work
4. Google

Places I would rather be right now:
1. The beach
2. Anywhere with my family
3. On vacation with Ian
4. ? (I must say I already am in a pretty cool place)

Who sent this to me:
Jessica

Four blog buddies to do this survey:
Who hasn't done this? I'm guessing--
1. Ian
2. Jared
3. Mike
4. Niki

Lions, Tigers, and Bears

2007-09-02T14:43:00.000-07:00

So about our lions that Jess referred to. We went to the Wild Animal Park a few weekends ago. I've heard that some people don't really enjoy the park, so I think how much fun you have kind of depends on the day. We must have gotten lucky because we really enjoyed ourselves. We were completely amazed at how close you can get to the lions. Here are some of our pictures (using our nifty camera with all the great tricks and zoom features).

Here's me at the petting zoo.

Here we are on the tram ride around the Africa pens.

Here's a real cheetah.

And here's some of our lions.

Just where I wanted to go today, the cell phone store!

2007-08-28T16:44:00.000-07:00

Megan's cell phone was sitting on the kitchen counter.

The cat, Maximus, enters.

Blog unto others as you would have them blog unto you.

2007-08-26T22:45:00.000-07:00

Hey bloggers! After months of haunting all my family's blogs without making myself known, I can ignore my adoring fan (i.e. Jessica) no longer, and I am finally making my own blog. Making a blog has actually been on my infernal to-do list for ages, I just for some reason have had this mental block against doing it. I must admit there was some fear involved. Fear of becoming addicted and ignoring other virtuous pursuits (such as doing the dishes), fear of my own perfectionistic tendencies, even fear that you would all finally realize just how boring Ian and I really are. Nonetheless, I am forging ahead into cyberspace with great hope in my future blogging prowess. I am optimistic that blogging will introduce added dimensions of happiness in my life. I look forward to your comments telling me that my idiosyncrasies are perfectly normal, I am hopeful that the need of something to blog about will help Ian and I actually get out a little more, and I expect that the need for pictures will make us use the ridiculous digital camera that we purchased. (You know--the one we bought because Ian, that's right I'm blaming him, just had to have because it had all those cool, extra features that we have yet to learn how to use.) Anyway, at the very least, I hope that if every now and then I include some pictures of the beach, you will be tempted to drop in for a peak (or even tempted to visit!).

So here's my little family. There's a picture of Ian and I (it's kind of an old picture, but one that shows Ian with a little fat on him so we like it) and a picture of our cat Maximus making himself right at home. Welcome to our world!

P.S. Ian made a new blog too. His link is on my page. He will have the monopoly on political commentary for the family.